White Knuckle Sandwich
by Penbrydd
Summary: -RND- Izumo and Kotetsu, working the closing shift at McDonalds. Sexual tension and Caffeine Twins comedy ensues. I blame LJ's pampam93 for this.


**Warnings:** Lots of swearing. Implied intentions of gay sex.  
**Notes:** Some fool over on LJ's chuunin put this idea in my head, and it just had to be done.

* * *

Izumo stared at the ceiling, counting the holes in the off-white tiles. There had been no customers in the last two hours, and he doubted there would be any more before closing. There was nothing to do but stand and stare, listening to Kotetsu as he continued to rant about his horrific dry spell. If only he knew...

"... and I thought, this time I'll get the girl. She's drunk, she's funny, she's having fun... But, no. Then fucking Kakashi comes over and _winks at her_, and I'm out another one," Kotetsu rambled on, irritatedly flipping the burger he intended to have for dinner. "Is this just like 'Kotetsu doesn't get laid' month, or something? Some new national holiday I didn't hear about?"

Izumo, who hadn't been on a date or in someone else's bed in half a year, was distinctly less than sympathetic. In fact, the more Kotetsu talked, the more he thought he might just walk over there and solve this problem for both of them. Of course, this was a terrible idea. One didn't just go around pity-shagging one's best friend. It was bound to end in tears, and not the good kind. His mind wandered, pleasantly... Kotetsu, naked and patterned in hot wax... Kotetsu leaning over him with a wicked smile and a bottle of cherry syrup... Kotetsu biting his ear and desperately whispering his name...

This had to stop. Izumo had stopped even hearing Kotetsu's rambling complaint, and his knuckles were white, where he gripped the counter to keep his idiotic ideas in check. But, it would be so very good...

"So, then I took Iruka's advice, and tried Genma. I mean, Genma's a cheap slut, right? But, no! Who does he go home with? _Shizune_. I'm fucking serious! I can't even score with the town bicycle!" Kotetsu channeled his despair into the construction of a burger it would be hard to get his mouth around.

"Ko?" Izumo's voice was dangerously smooth -- a voice that implied a slit throat was in the offing. "Do you know who you haven't asked?"

Kotetsu stared, baffled, as he tallied the list again in his head and struggled to keep the filling in his burger as he took a bite. Izumo turned away from the counter, face as serene as the dawn before a war, fists clenched at his sides, and slunk casually around the rack, into the kitchen, proper, like a cat stalking its prey.

"I 'unno," Kotetsu muttered, around a mouthful. "Tsunade? Ibiki?"

Then Izumo was on him, fists clenched in the straps of his apron and the cloth of his shirt. Izumo's thin smile was unsettling, at best, and Kotetsu set down the burger, so he wouldn't drop it.

"I've got a more obvious answer for you," Izumo purred, viciously.

"Raidou's sister! Your mom!" Kotetsu fished for the correct answer. "I swear I didn't hit on your mom!"

Izumo's eyes crossed for a moment as that last statement sunk in. "If you ever mention my mother again, I'll kill you. Think a little closer to home." He pushed his knee between Kotetsu's legs.

"But, I live with _you_..." Kotetsu was clearly confused. "I haven't asked you? But why would you --"

Izumo cut him off with a kiss. "Why wouldn't I?" He leaned closer, lips brushing Kotetsu's ear. "I just don't want to lose my best friend, because I can't resist his sex appeal."

Kotetsu grabbed Izumo's shoulders, pushing him back, to look into his eyes. "Are you directly out of your fucking mind? You've been my best friend since_ we were in school_. What the hell is going to get in the way of that, now?"

"I don't know, it just seems like the sort of thing people lose friends over. Genma says it happens." Izumo shrugged and pulled Kotetsu closer, hands still fisted in his shirtfront. "But, if you're sure, I suppose we could close early, tonight..."

"We're so fired," Kotetsu breathed, slipping a hand under the back of Izumo's shirt.


End file.
